Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
