Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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