How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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