You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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