oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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