i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
