god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
