She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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