never play flip cup with pint glasses
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm like, not good at living.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
