K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Farmville is her only friend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
