I'm eating all of the evidence.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
