Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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