so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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