Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
