I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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