sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
