do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize