I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
