I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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