i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
