Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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