Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
