How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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