your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
