It's just like the Real World with babies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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