My first STD was from a foam party
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
