...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
