my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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