Where is the hickey?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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