I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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