Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
