i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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