News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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