I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize