That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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