is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
