I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
