Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
