My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
