Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize