Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize