I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she smelled like a LAN party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
