I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
