Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
why do cheetos always look like penises
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
