He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
