I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Vodka?
Forever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize