i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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