I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
