Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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