I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize