you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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