Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
