he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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