why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
