Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
