I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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