omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
