weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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