Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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