Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
