i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
