her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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