i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
