All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
