I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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