I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
