i think my tv is drunk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
