Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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