"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
