On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
