My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
