you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
